Bran and his friends arrive at one of the old Night’s Watch castles, Nightfort, which is known through scary stories and rumored to be haunted. But Jojen has had a green dream and knows there is a gate here that they must cross to reach beyond the Wall. They can’t find a gate, but do find lots of rats.
We learn that Bran knows Jon is alive through Summer. Summer survived the attack with the Wildlings, but suffered an arrow through the leg. He’ll live. Bran also knows of Robb’s death and Grey Wind’s death. Sad face.
They decide to spend the night in the castle’s kitchens where they can light a warm fire and cook their supper. A well also resides in the kitchen that has stairs leading down into its deep, dark belly. They are all frightened of what may be down there.
During the night, Bran hears footsteps ascending the well’s stairs and wakes Meera. Meera grabs her weapons and throws the net around the figure that eventually emerges from the well. It’s just Sam, though. They free him and he explains who he is. Gilly and the child are also with him. Bran tells him he must go back down and through the secret gate. Sam says only a Brother can do it – so he offers to lead them there. Gilly waits by the fire for Sam’s return. Sam sees the small group safely to the other side.
I don’t know why Bran has to go beyond the Wall. Can Jojen be trusted? You never know with GRRM.
Her horde arrives at another, much larger city. She wants to sack it as well as this appears to be a very brutal place. Unfortunately, there is no good way into the city’s walls. The slavers mock them rudely which pisses Dany off. Much bickering about their options ensues.
Dany decides to go for a horse ride through her people, taking Arstan as protection. They encounter a stowaway Mero who tries to kill Dany, but old man Arstan slays him. Dany wants Jorah to knight him, but turns out – he’s already a knight! That’s right, folks – Arstan is none other than Ser Barristan Selmy. Didn’t see it coming – awesome. Selmy and Jorah exchange some heated words where Selmy uncovers Jorah’s early deceptions. Dany is pissed and wants both of them gone. She says she knows where they need to go, but doesn’t tell us. I wonder?
Also, Dany wants Daario’s body.
Tyrion wakes early one morning to have a little tryst with Shae down with the dragon skulls. He decides to marry her off to some guy named Ser Tallad. I can’t imagine she’ll be pleased by this. That is literally all that happens. What was the point?
Sansa awakens on Joff’s wedding day and prepares to attend the royal breakfast with her lord husband, Tyrion. She’s very distant and utterly miserable. You get the distinct feeling that she’s up to something.
Joff’s breakfast includes his wedding gifts. Tyrion gives him a book about kings that Joff hates – shocker. Anyway, he takes his grandfather’s gift (the new sword) and hacks the book to bits. I seriously pictured some whiny petulant child having a tantrum here. Joff is so weak and needs to be bent over and spanked. Or just removed from the world entirely. Don’t you agree?
During this breakfast, Tyrion comes to believe that it was Joff who planned and staged the assassination attempt on Bran’s life those many moon’s ago. Joff is an evil goat-faced bastard.
The wedding happens and Tyrion waxes poetic most of the time on how much he needs to take a piss. He’s really noticing Sansa acting even more distant that usual and really goes out of the way to try and cheer her up. But she is like zombie!Sansa now.
At the feast, everyone gets drunk, eats a lot of food, and watches the many entertainments. There is a jousting skit involving two dwarfs, a pig, and a dog that Joff finds especially amusing. Tyrion and Joff exchange words and then Joff struts over to pour wine over his uncle’s head. Joff continues to be brutal towards Tyrion in front of all his guests.
Then they break open the pigeon pie. Joff goes back to continue his assault of Tyrion – noticing that Tyrion hasn’t touched his pigeon pie. How dare he! Joff takes a bite of it and chokes to death – literally. Cersei goes nuts and orders Tyrion arrested for her son’s death. She also blames Sansa, but Sansa has disappeared.
FINALLY, a death I can get behind. What will happen now? I do wish his Royal Evilness had met a much uglier end however. His death scene was slightly underwhelming.